it was really hard to get out of bed this morning after this weekend. friday night, the fam and i went to ruth’s chris steakhouse for dinner and we ate ourselves silly. little lilly was there and drew attention from tables about 20ft from us as well as waiters who didn’t belong to us. she’s just that good a baby. no fussing or throwing or spitting up stuff. of course, i think my family is more annoying than a baby in a restaurant. we laugh so much it’s ridiculous.
for instance, lilly can play peek-a-boo. she holds her burp cloth and raises it above her head (even if it’s not covering her face, hands-up equals hiding) and we all say “where’s lilly” and when she puts her hands down we all say “there she is” and she laughs….we do this over and over and over. all of us. and if you watch, you can see the other restaurant ppl watching and giggling too.
we are annoying.
i ran thru several books this weekend. none worth mentioning. now i need to take a trip to the bookstore. i love the bookstore. i love the way it smells. it’s comforting. i could spend hours there and have. i tend to spend too much money at book stores. but i don’t buy clothes often and i haven’t bought a new pair of shoes for myself in at least five years. it balances out.
after sitting in meetings all morning long (in a conference room that had no air conditioning), everyone is sleepy. if they aren’t in meetings, they aren’t talking much. myself, i haven’t talked to anyone since the mtg and can’t think of five words to string together to make a conversation. as you can see here b/c this post is making no sense.
one of the blogs i read had that up and it was funny. ‘just a bean tryin to get some sleep’ great line.
i actually started watching this at work. or at least the first ten minutes. hated the theme song. and that’s sad to me b/c they used to be so good. i miss the women jumping around and getting shot out of guns too.
today wasn’t so bad. no life crisis or over self-evaluating. the office is fairly empty today and that’s nice b/c i can sit and move slowly about my work w/o lots of questions or interruptions. my sister took me to lunch and my little niece and i said ‘mamamamamama’ to each other for an hour.
lilly baby smiles are the perfect feel good cure for anything that’s got you down. and even if you’re not down, it’s like you can store up the good feelings and save them for later.
birthdays and baby smiles that could be the title of a country song. or an after school special
birthdays. usually i get excited or at least moderately happy about birthdays. even mine. but this year, not so much. i’m perfectly willing to watch it go by w/o saying hello and i’m not sure why. it could be that i’m tired. it could be that i’m tired and i feel like 33 yrs has amounted to a whole lot of nothing. i mean, i work with computers. i contribute nothing to anything that is worthwhile. i absorb all of the wonderful things that other people have achieved in their lives such as books, movies, arts, but i give nothing back.
at least nothing that anyone outside my wee circle of friends will ever know about. the kicker is that i’m not ambitious. i don’t need The Career and moreover i don’t want one. i am content to live and enjoy and participate and love without killing myself with ambition. some people hate that about me. that i’m content. too even keel, laid back…don’t move too fast or you’ll scare the jack rabbit.
but that’s me. i observe. i notice. i listen to what my friends are saying and i can hear what they aren’t saying, what they want to say but can’t, what they feel but can’t voice and when they are trying to be brave or stubborn. i listen. it’s the one thing i’m very good at. the one thing i never have to put any energy into b/c i simply care about what that person is saying and i care about that person. i know when they need to talk and when they need to be pushed or comforted.
i have no idea where i’m going with this. it was bothering me last night and wouldn’t let me sleep.
i need to mean something to someone. and i need to know they need me w/o their saying so.
i know it’s petty, but that sticker is very much going to be on my car next to the ‘W’ and ‘W then and now’ stickers. maybe i should get a ‘H the wizard’ to put on there too…
Posted in other, personal on 11/05/2008 05:08 pm by jlee
ProQuo, i haven’t thought about that thing in a while. i remember signing up for it several years ago, then promptly forgetting about it. surprisingly, it actually works. the only paper junk mail i get is grocery stuff in my snail mail box.
so, let’s see. lots going on today. ppl freaking out about the election in a good way and i’m sure some in a bad way but i’m not going to talk to them so it doesn’t matter. i was proud of ole mccain when he said obama and the crowed bood (hehe) and he told them to stop it. cuz seriously, who does that shit. the man won. i didn’t vote for him but there it is. suck it up.
at least all the good tv is back on. that’s so very important i just can’t tell you. for the first time in my life i understand “november sweeps”
there’s a lot more goign on in my head but it hurts too much to chase the thoughts down.
i’m proud that we can have such an “historic” event w/o killing each other or throwing things or making it a black/white thing (i hate that crap). no tear gas. i’m also proud of all the work ppl have done to promote voting and getting registered, etc. and they managed not to become irritating. smooth.
that could be the title of a country song. or an after school special
